[Note: while I'm out on medical leave, I've asked a few of my smart business friends to share their current thoughts around what's working now. This week's note comes from fellow midwestern dog enthusiast and business designer Michelle Warner.]

They say you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

When talking to small business owners I take that a step further and tell them their business is going to be equal to the quality of their network.

I know, because I see it all the time.

Want to grow your revenue? So much easier to do if you have business relationships in place who are capable and positioned to partner with you on collaborations and creative marketing.

Having a crisis of confidence? We’ve all been there, and I promise you’ll get past it faster if you have a network of experienced, respected peers you can fall back on for support.

Unsure about an idea and want someone to stop you - or give you the go sign - before you make a mistake? Again, being able to call on colleagues and peers who have been there before is going to keep you on the right track faster.

The problem is a lot of us don’t know how to - or aren’t comfortable with - building and maintaining those relationships over time.

It sounds hard to be a good and steady friend!

But it doesn’t have to be, and here are my 3 favorite ways of strengthening and keeping relationships once you’ve made an initial outreach.

(Not sure how to connect with someone in the first place - or who to connect with that’ll be worth your time? Check out my free 5 Minutes A Day to a Network That Pays training.)

Back to my 3 favorite tricks:

1. Stop Drop and Thank You

This one’s as simple as the name. We all have passing thoughts about people during the day. You’ll be writing an email and remember a conversation you had with someone, or you’ll be working on a client project and have a flashback to a simple tip a colleague passed on that’s now coming in handy. Or, you’ll be like me and you’ll be walking your dog when you remember a shared joke from a few months ago.

It’s really easy to let these moments go without a second thought.

Don’t.

Instead, take 5 seconds to text or Voxer or email or however you like to communicate and reach out to that person. Let them know they crossed your mind, and thank them for sharing that moment with you that you’ve remembered.

Thank them for the long ago advice that came in handy today. Or for the laugh. Or for the perspective.

Whatever crossed your mind, reach out and thank them for it. Absolutely no one takes the time to do this, and it takes literally less than a minute to do. So when you make that tiny effort it will not go unnoticed - in fact it will have outsized impact and will deepen your relationship.

2. Power of Because

Ever heard of the Copy Machine Study? It came out of Ellen Langer’s Harvard research in 1978 and gives us a big clue on how to reach out to people in ways that’ll actually connect.

Her study showed that including a “because statement” - aka adding a because to any request you make - increases the likelihood of you receiving a positive response.

There are endless ways to use the power of because for good, but in the world of deepening relationships, take the 30 seconds it will take to add a because to any outreach you make to someone you want to be building a relationship with.

That means I don’t want you to reach out and say ‘hey I’d love to catch up.” That is easy to ignore, especially in a world where no one has time.

Instead say “hey i’d love to catch up because” and tell them why. And watch your ability to connect skyrocket.

I’m such a fan and advocate of the because statement that I recorded an entire podcast episode about it. I’d love for you to check it out here because I know it will make your relationship building game so much stronger (see what I did there?)

3. Small Asks

This final one may be counterintuitive at first but stick with me.

To build stronger relationships you have to remember to ask people for something.

When I tell people to make sure they’re asking for things they inevitably panic because they think I’m talking about asking for big, scary things like client referrals or sales. Sure that comes into play sometimes, but honestly not that often.

Most often you want to be asking for small, tiny favors: Should I do this or that? What do you think of this headline? How about this price?

You’re not asking someone to pick their brain for 30 minutes, or to copy edit your entire sales page, or solve a huge challenge you’re having.

You’re asking for a tiny favor.

You do this for 2 reasons:

1. Small talk is exhausting and no one wants to build a relationship on that - at some point, the talking has to lead somewhere. If you’re not asking for something and exchanging favors the relationship will run its course and quickly.
2. People want to help, and honestly it gets a little awkward when you don’t let them

I was raised to be very independent so I’ve had to learn this lesson over and over in my life, most recently with my very fantastic neighbors. They have a busy life and regularly ask me for tiny favors and I’m happy to oblige. Until one day they admitted they felt horrible asking anything more of me because I never asked in return - I was ruining a relationship I deeply cared about because I wasn’t asking for anything!

When you’re building business relationships you have to learn how to ask for tiny things that’ll move the relationship forward.

It’s like the old story we hear (and that my own grandmother taught me growing up - even though I always forget) - ask the neighbors for sugar or salt even when you don’t need it, because then they’ll be comfortable asking for it in return if they are ever in need. Lots of wisdom in that story - and lots of lessons we can apply to building relationships in your business.

This is another one I feel so passionately about that I recorded a podcast episode about. You can check that one out right here.​
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Relationships are the cornerstone of your business and (along with cash in the bank) will see you through rough waters. They don’t have to be intimidating, so use these 3 tricks to start strengthening yours today.
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Michelle Warner
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p.s. Note from Michelle M. Thank you to my dear friend Michelle Warner for writing this week's missive. Fun fact: she keeps me entertained by sending me pics of her fluffy dog Watson. The game? I have to have to guess which end is up. It's harder than you might think - I'm still not sure what's what in the example below !